*Disclaimer- This blog is for educational purposes only. The use of many psychedelics are illegal in most states. This therapy is not recommended for everyone. Please work with creditable and qualified practitioner*
Two years ago, I found my JOY.
Two years ago I took a Journey that alter my life.
After years of struggling with anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and PTSD, as a result from working in animal welfare, being sexual abuse, being a sensitive child that was not allowed to express my feelings, and living under the misogynistic, oppressive, shame and guilt-driven conditioning of Christianity; I healed myself.
I did this through the use of a therapeutic MDMA journey. The use of psychedelic therapy is rapidly growing as studies are showing amazing results in the use of treatment resistant depression, anxiety and PTSD. https://maps.org/mdma/ptsd/ It’s projected within the next 2 years MDMA and psilocybin will be offered as a legal billable therapy modalities.
My journey, although beautiful and profound, had a lot of parts that were not easy. I had amazing help. I also made integration the priority of my experience. Not just 1 or 2 therapy sessions after, but continuous therapy appointments. Even the way I show up in therapy now versus before has changed. I am ready to do the work. I’m ready to face my shadows. I’m ready to grow, reach my fullest potential, and become the woman I meant to be.
I never thought my experience would cause such profound changes. NOTHING in my life has been untouched by my experience. All for the better. Every day I wake up, grateful for another day.
Yesterday morning, exactly 2 years after my first psychedelic therapy journey, I tested positive for Covid. Thankfully my symptoms have been relatively mild. But last night was rough. It was much like a medicine journey. The chills I had were similar to the chills I experienced in the come up of my MDMA journey. Only last night was a bit more intense. Knowing the profound healing that can come when the body shivers and shakes, I decided to use that MEDICINE that Covid offered me. It wasn’t easy, I felt horrible! It brought me back to my medicine journey of being on the floor weeping and shaking, releasing the grief I carried from the loss of my beloved dog Daisy, and my grandmother. This time though, what was released was my lack of trust in myself, the violations I’ve experienced to my body, and the powerlessness I felt. As I shivered, I focused on my breath, and held the intention of releasing any cellular memory of trauma I had experienced. This morning I woke up lighter and feeling so much better. The amazing thing about this medicine is that if you stay open, curious, and willing to face the hard stuff, the results are transformative.
As I continue to work on integrating my sessions with psychedelic medicine, I am reminded that the journey itself is not the healing or the “cure”. It is only the catalyst to highlight the areas of my life that needs more love, grace, and compassion. To release the pain and rage that I’ve locked up. To explore the memories that sometimes are too hard to remember. To embrace the grief and sadness that was never able to be fully processed or expressed. The medicine showed me the work that needed to be done and MOST of the time she was gentle. It is up to me to follow through and bring those missing pieces back to myself to make me whole again.
My intention that night was to find my joy and to see where I needed to work on myself, to cultivate the best version of myself. It allowed me to process my deepest grief, without getting stuck in it. It provided me so much clarity, courage, strength, and connection. It was 10 years of therapy done in 8 hours. This medicine has given me so much. On a personal level, my joy, self-love, courage, embodiment, the ability to feel safe in my body, a relationship with Christ consciousness, to know what is most important, connection, communication, and so much more.
On a professional level, I am on the brink of a “new” field that is just cresting the horizon. As I’m completing my masters in clinical mental health counseling, my focus is to become a psychedelic integration therapist, and to support clients at end-of-life using psychedelics.
I am still working everyday to be the best version of myself and integrate the messages and lessons that I still receive from the medicine. My life and my healing journey are no longer a chore, they are blessings that I am grateful for every day. ❤️❤️❤️ 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
In Light and Love,
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